Another great song…”This Is Your Life.” It was a popular song by the alternative rock/Christian band Switchfoot, and their third single. “This Is Your Life” first appeared on the group’s 2003 album The Beautiful Letdown and peaked at #30 on the US Modern Rock charts. The single also hit the U.S. Top 40 peaking at No. 31
…but as I sit here pondering an old piece Who Are You …I keep coming back to a comment on Facebook…can you change who you are? Or is the who you are deeply embedded into your very existence? I know you can modify, adapt, and even role play for a while… but can you change the Who You Are?
The more I thought…the more I started to believe our personality and identity are significantly more malleable than perhaps I first thought. Perhaps we are not who we are, but rather the product of many influences. But it would seem the longer you’ve been the person you think you are, the harder it becomes to change. Wait, does that even make sense?
The thing is, we can dramatically change who we are. It’s actually not so much that it’s difficult to change, but that we’ve developed patterns and habits that make it easier to do things the way we do them. That’s not to say we aren’t born with some inherent abilities, but most of what we consider part of our identity is a product of influence.
While we don’t know the exact ratio of nature to nurture, there is undoubtedly a combination of both that makes us who we are. We have a tendency to think that change is difficult, but it’s really just a matter of changing your influence. A good question might be…who is your influence? Do you even know? But… I digress…
A good starting point is knowing yourself….
How to get to know yourself… the UFFE ELBAEK Model.
If we want to get a general understanding of ourselves….the UFFE ELBAEK public opinion barometer is a decent starting point. Simple, yes….but it can reveal behavioral traits and tendencies.
Bear in mind that we are always subject to four different perspectives (a bit like the Johari Window from the earlier post)…how we see ourselves, how we would like to see ourself, how others see us, and how others would like to see us.
With the digram above (or a blank one linked here UFFE ELBAEK MODEL blank), proceed as follows
1) Without taking time to think…. decide the following on a scale of one to ten. How much of a team person are you, and how much of an individualist? Do you pay more attention to content or to form? What is more important to you: the body or the mind? Do you feel more global than local? Then use a pen and connect the lines.
2) Now take a different color pen to mark the scale how you would like to see yourself.
3) Fill in the model for yourself and ask a partner or friend to fill one in for you…compare: can youunderstand the differences…the why…etc.
4) Define your own axes (rich-poor. happy-sad, extroverted-introverted)
Beware: You are only creating a snapshot here…also the sum of the axis must always be ten/you can not be 10 points local and 10 points global)
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Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes,
don’t close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now
Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
This is your life are you who you want to be
This is your life are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose
And you had everything to lose
Mastermind Century Group 
The key to knowing who you are or who want to be, for me, rests in being honest with yourself and finally accepting all the good and bad that comes with it. Models help get you started but at some point, you have to do some serious, honest soul searching. Some folks find themselves doing something vastly different than what they truly want because they have never asked the simple question, “Does this make me happy?” It took me until the last year or so to admit to myself what I really wanted to be, and accept who I am, including the good and bad. Unfortunately, one of the side effects is that the actual you, or the “you” that you are striving to become, does not fit into an organization the same way. One issue, which is just further evidence of the polarization of our society, is team vs. individual debate; for some reason we try to see a grey world in black and white. All too often people change for the team, which hurts it, rather then trying to figure our how they really fit into it. Like a good marriage, there is no reason you cannot be a team player and an individual, and your partners have to understand that. At the same time, there is a difference between being an individual and being motivated and driven by nothing but self interest.
Thanks for the holiday “think.” Merry Christmas!
Vooj you are THE man!
Agree with everything you state below…models are just something to stare at…to maybe get a bearing. But it all starts with questions…tough questions.
I have pondered….if I could develop a 4 year college course on building leaders…what would it look like.
I think the first semester might be all the tough questions. You are right, you can’t fake this…the answers will be so different for different people…it can’t be canned. The questions have to re-asked often though…
Who are you?
Who do you want to be?
What is your life’s work?
How are you going to live a life that matters?
What is happiness?
I don’t know, might be too much for a college freshman
Team vs individual…I think this might change as well depending on what and where you are…like I mentioned, this is a snap shot type thing.
Would love to sit down and have a beer with you to discuss…
Vooj: might have seen this on FB, but seemed appropriate
“That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending – performing. You get to love your pretence. It’s true, we’re locked in an image, an act – and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you’re trying to steal their most precious possession.”
― Jim Morrison